Dear Diary: The Office Hours Chronicles

7:00 AM

Operation Breakfast was a success. I activated my “I’m so starving I might faint” face, and it worked like a charm. Humans are so gullible before coffee. Afterward, I supervised them getting ready. They didn’t appreciate me sitting on their clean clothes. Rude.

9:00 AM

They’re gone. I checked all the usual hiding spots just in case—under the bed, behind the curtains, inside the shoe cabinet (don’t ask). Nope. No human. I decided to stare out the window dramatically in case they had second thoughts and came back. They didn’t.

10:30 AM

I heard the neighbor's dog barking. That scruffy loudmouth thinks he owns the street. I let out a perfectly dignified hiss from the window, just to remind him who’s boss around here.

12:00 PM

Midday nap number one. I dreamed of endless cans of tuna and that weird red dot that keeps escaping me.

1:00 PM

Snack time. Except there was no snack. I knocked over a plant to signal my displeasure. Felt great.

2:30 PM

I reorganized the couch cushions. By “reorganized,” I mean I clawed them into submission. The sofa is mine now.

4:00 PM

I decided to stretch my legs. Climbed the bookshelf, tasted a houseplant (bleh), and sprinted down the hallway for no reason. Felt alive.

5:30 PM

The most agonizing part of my day. I sat by the door, waiting for the human to return. Sometimes I meow into the void, hoping they can hear my sorrow. The void does not respond.

6:00 PM

They’re back! My human! It has been years since I rubbed against your legs! I greeted them with the biggest tail flicks and my signature “Why did you leave me?” glare. They gave me treats, so I forgave them. For now.